Tuesday, March 30

It's a Quarter after One...

OK....it's not ACTUALLY a quarter after one. Instead, it's THREE. Yes, A.M. And yes, I'm insane. I just got done doing something totally ridiculous and crazy, and therefore not completely out of character. It concerns my housing for this summer. I'll say more later, if anything (or even nothing) comes of it.

So, I feel pretty bad saying what I said about my ex-fiance's new girlfriend. Not bad enough to take it down, because let's face it, who reads this anyway?...but pretty bad. Probably only because I haven't seen him on campus recently, so the anger is getting tamped down pretty well. And because I'm losing weight and looking good and a freshman has a crush on me and I got hit on when I volunteered at the Animal Shelter on Saturday. So feeling good about myself means that I don't need to feel angry toward him. What a revelation. I am SO my own therapist. Now I just wish someone would pay me $200 an hour to tell them what they already know about themselves if they just think hard, like any other therapist.

Which brings me to the next bit...no, not therapy. My awesome Fort Wayne internship, with all the people I love from fall, pays LESS than my minimum wage retail job at Charlotte Russe. That's right, folks!...a college grad and I'm making $6.25 an hour at a full time job. So I have NO hopes of getting an apartment, and therefore no cat, and no real independence, and skrimping and cutting back, and not traveling too much and....ARGH. Oh well, as much as I'm freaking out, the ONLY good news is that it's in God's hands. And that is QUITE good news. So I'll just leave it there. And to the hopefully generous hearts of strangers. Again...time will tell.

Other stuff: I LOVE POTTERY. It's such an expensive hobby outside of Grace, where all the clay, wheels, tools, and glazes are provided at a mere 40 cents per pound of clay fired. I wish I had the money to keep it up after graduation...clearly I will not. I'm getting PRETTY good. But it was tough to watch all these potters on YouTube (I was getting ideas for stuff to try) do these really complicated bits in like 7 minutes, and then go to the lab and NOT rush ridiculously fast like them. Because rushing does not a pot make...just a lump of misshapen, mauled clay. *sigh* I love it so much.

OK, I could go on and on about my mundane life, but it is now 3:15, and I still have 30 pages to read by 8:30 this morning...so five hours...so probably getting about 4 hours of sleep tonight. Awesome. Yep, I'm a real moron sometimes.

...But watching 5 episodes of Heroes was so worth it...shhhh...

Saturday, March 20


So, Spring Break is here...and sadly almost gone already. I have only three or four more days. I'm not actually sure how many because my car is in the shop and can't be fixed until Monday MAYBE, Tuesday probably. So that really sucks because I can't miss that much school, I don't want to take my parents' gas guzzling SUV, and I don't want to leave my car here AGAIN and bum a ride off someone going to back to school. They're all bad options.

But some good news: Break was really busy. I got to see two movies with my mom, I got to see a bunch of my friends, my mom bought me some clothes for the summer job yesterday, and I even had a date. Yeah, nothing's going to come of that, but it was fun to have someone actually be interested. You know, like people in the real world would be for a girl like me (har har), but the idiots at Grace are too blind to see it. Actually, on St. Patty's Day I was alone for an hour while I waited for my friends, and I got hit on by two different guys. So that was fun too. Again, real world vs. Grace: Grace, stupid people who don't know how to talk to pretty girls; real world, real men. No brainer as to where I want to be in a month.

In other just-shoot-me news, my ex-fiance and his new slut made it Facebook official. I've just heard so many slutty (Grace-slutty, not actual sleeping around slutty) stories about her that I just laugh and feel bad for him...OK, I don't feel bad because he deserves a really bad rebound for breaking my heart so badly and for being so stupid about getting a new girlfriend that fast. But I would feel bad if I had the capacity to feel bad for him.

OK, enough rant. I promised this blog wouldn't be about that. I did say already that I probably got the summer internship in Fort Wayne, but it's official now!!!!...so I have a plan for summer. Unfortunately that's not enough for my mother. I hate that. I am so far ahead of most of my senior class colleagues as far as having a job lined up, and that's still not good enough. "What about in the fall?" I don't know!!! That's 5 months away; something will come up by then. I guess she didn't realize I'm going to take a year off school. Or maybe not...I just don't know. I seriously don't want to be off insurance for a whole year, but I don't think I'm going to get everything in on time for law schools; LSAT prep course, LSAT test, applications. Not to mention, where would I live when I get into Cooley? (I say when because it's not hard to get into) I certainly don't want to live at home again, but I'm afraid that all of the money I make this summer will be going toward a new car...poor Connie is on her last leg...wheel. Anyway, she's almost dead. So, no rent money once I come back to MI. And I don't want to get a part-time retail job after having a full-time, well-paying job this summer. I mean, I'll do what I have to, but YUCK.

The other YUCK for which this post is named: It's snowing here. YES, snowing. After 3 days of walking around outside without a coat, SNOW. Yuck.

I forgot to update from the last post: the Pottery wheel-throwing NO LONGER SUCKS!! Some Pottery 2 students were in the lab one night, I asked them for helped, they watched me and gave me pointers. That 6 inch cylinder didn't stand a chance after that. It was OK, but then during class Prof Nieter said that it wasn't due for actually another week, so I decided to try again. I cut the second one in half (we're supposed to) in front of him and he said it was PERFECT and to give myself a perfect score. So I'm pretty stoked about Pottery again. Aaaaannd...now I'm going to go back to Grace and have forgotten it all.

Tuesday, March 2

Oot! Oot! Oot?

So, some really exciting news that at the same time is sad. I got the lead in the musical!! I'm very excited about it, but at the same time that means my closest friend Christi didn't get it. But she still has a part, so that's good. It's a weird-personalities-but-musically-talented cast. I'm not the biggest fan of all the people that got in, but there are some redeeming people too. So that's very awesome.

Additionally, my class got cancelled today, due to my professor apparently being in an accident. I hope she's OK, but I really can't stand her teaching, so I'm glad the class is cancelled. And she was obviously well enough to write the email, so I'm just going to count this as a blessing.

The visit with my parents went well, except that I told them I was no longer in favor of capital punishment and they JUMPED down my throat and called me a perfect Catholic (this was meant as an insult since we are Baptists) and said that I didn't have a clue what I was talking about because murderers and rapists just soak up our tax dollars sitting in prison for 50 years, and I automatically must be against guns and self defense and probably war by extension. To which I must simply go, "HUH?!?! Are you serious???" OK, an explanation of my view is important now: I am against it on Christian moral grounds. I don't care about the "dignity of human life" argument--they really deserve whatever the state throws at them for their awful crimes. But since when should a Christian support anything because it's what someone deserves? Really, THAT'S the message you get out of the Gospel? Save people from hell, but then kill them if they violate some of the more important Commandments? I just don't get how the two are congruent. Then again, I don't get how a Christian can actually HATE a gay person, or anyone else for that matter. Different topic for a different day. Anyway, yes, murderers and rapists deserve death, and yes, keeping them in prison for life is incredibly expensive, but I just can't condone it. How is the current system right? You killed someone, and now our solution is more death? As I tell people who take the opposite view (MOST in my life), the justice in me wants it to be OK, but the Christian just knows it isn't.

OK, down off the soapbox I come. In less heated news, I was planning on a ridiculously busy day. Today's schedule went something like this: class, chapel, lunch, homework, class, rehearsal, class, cast party. Now that the second class is out of the picture, I'm going to take a short nap, POSSIBLY work out, and do homework. As I thank God again for that cancelled class that made this possible.

In other news, I talked to the guy in charge of hiring for this summer internship I want in Fort Wayne and it sounds like I just might get it!! Now, whether it will pay enough is still in question, so even if I get it I might have to turn it down. I need $12/hr to make enough for an actual full-time, post-graduate job. But I love the people at that office and I love the area, so I hope they offer me a position with enough salary.

And lastly, the ex-fiance/new girlfriend situation is as WRETCHED as ever. I just can't stand her face. her gum-smile. her laugh. her hand in his. Why I look, I can't answer myself that. I just do, and it's another reason to get me the hell off this campus. BUT, there's another girl on campus who just went through a broken engagement like seriously within a month of mine, and she just Facebook messaged me last night and said she was praying for me. Out of the blue--don't know this girl at all, apart from knowing that her fiance, this other guy I don't know, broke off their engagement. It was super sweet and encouraging to know that someone who knows EXACTLY (minus new girlfriend) what I'm going through is praying for ME and not just her own healing. It put me in my current wallowing, depressed place for sure.

So, that's the update. Also, the wheel-throwing in Pottery is still SUCKING. I'm not getting better, but hopefully I'll use this week to improve (fingers crossed!).