Tuesday, April 20


Sometimes life really surprises you. And sometimes it goes exactly like you expected it to go.

I could end it there and it would totally explain how I feel without going into too much detail.

I thought this was a safe place to air out my wounded heart and overflowing mind. Apparently NOTHING IS SAFE. And I thought the government was intrusive.

I knew the wonderfully tense silence couldn't last forever. I hoped against hope that it would, though.

Final projects are due this week: huge History paper due in 12 hours. Not a big deal except that sleep is supposed to occur between then and now. Final Astronomy project due in 18 hours. Very doable, just gotta sit down and find the gumption to do it. Final pottery project due in 40 hours. Not all that bad, except that the building that I need to get into is locked, and then I have a full day of doing the aforementioned final projects as well. After all that, home free. Just 5 performances of the spring musical stand between me and total freedom and boredom until graduation. And that's not even a burden...that's AWESOME. I LOVE IT. It's kind of sad, though, that that's all I have before I'm totally done with my college experience.

Although it's apparently unsafe to become vulnerable on this site now, I will sort of do so, with the promise to expound more later when I don't have 7 pages to write and no idea what to say. My roommate and I have been talking for the past week about how terrified we are to graduate. Sure, it's exciting...any underclassmen asks me how I feel about graduation and I'll lie and say, "Oh my gosh I'm so happy to be done!" But NO ONE is telling us what to do with our lives anymore. What's the next step?? It can be ANYTHING. Is that supposed to be liberating?? Because it's just bewildering. Is any step a wrong step? How am I supposed to know which is the right step to take? What if I RUIN my life with one of my decisions? Classes, advising, meal plans...all mapped out for you to just follow the steps. This equals: awesome. An open road ahead of you, people telling you that you can do whatever you want now? This equal: terror and night sweats.

Ugh...7 pages calls me. And as much as I hate the assignment, I want to answer that call, because it'll be the last long college paper of my career, and it's something that I've been prepared for. The future will be waiting on hold for a while...I don't know what to say to it.