Friday, February 3

Future New York Times Bestsellers

Here are a few books that, given a contract and enough money, I could easily write, as I have material just pouring out of my ears:

Don’t Get Sick...or Hurt…or Have Bad Eye Sight: One girl’s guide to living carefully for those people who will never have a job that provides health insurance.

The Decline and Fall of a Promising American Mind

101 Ways to Sacrifice for Your Child so She Can End up Working in a Factory Anyway

Oh! The Place You WON’T Go… A List of Jobs You Will Never Get with Your Communications Degree

Confessions of a Broke Chick: the non-fiction version of Confessions of a Shopaholic, but less funny, without the Prada bags, and there’s no fulfilling career by the last chapter

You Chose Poorly: one woman’s discovery that burning yourself out in law school would still be preferable to seriously considering selling an ovum for money

Secrets of Living Cheaply: ordering more bread right before you leave a restaurant, stealing mini coffee creamers for later use, and other sneaky tips

Eat. Pray. Write a Few Bad Checks.

How to Not Succeed in Business While Trying Pretty Hard

Graduation Day: the Yoko Ono of the Best Days of My Life

I Did My Best …and other lies I tell myself to help me sleep at night

8 Things your Parents Taught You to Help You Succeed, 2nd ed. Now with new content! “The Dire Consequences of forgetting/ignoring those lessons

I Blame the Economy: things to say to make you appear less pathetic at social gatherings

Top 10 Tops that Don’t Utilize Your Degree

I Graduated Summa Cum Laude! …and no one cares

Shut Your Mouth: politics, my virginity, and other taboo workplace topics

But I Want Pretty Things! How a well-educated middle-class woman found herself $1200 in debt

My Car Hates Me: rattles, scraping sounds and weird odors that indicate you are horrible at choosing reliable transportation

Now HERE is a list of books that, no matter how badly I might want to, or how well they would sell, I would be unable to write:

How to Find Your Soulmate in College

Picking a Major: growing job markets and fields of study

Budgeting for Dummies

Being Skinny is Hard Too!

Who Needs Toilet Paper? 20 Secrets to Living Well on a Budget

Genie in a Bottle: my career as Christina Aguilera’s back-up dancer

Fly Me to the Moon: how to snag a rocket scientist husband

3.97: why my college GPA made all the difference