Monday, February 22

Let's get something on this blog, shall we?

So, you're always supposed to tell your audience what your purpose is. The fact that I have no audience is irrelevant, I have decided. But, to ask the question again, why on earth am I writing this blog?

Well, a lot of things pop into my head throughout the day. I do not always have my computer with me, handy as a laptop may be, but hopefully when I have a spare moment (all too often these days) I can sit down and put some of those thoughts here.

It would be helpful to know where I am in my life right now. I am a senior in college, ready to get the he...heck...out of here in May. I was engaged until October, when he decided he didn't want me anymore. I am still processing that, and every day shows me why it was the right decision on his part (not that I am so awful, but that we should not have gotten married), but I still have moments of bitterness, anger, and a lot of non-comprehension. He's been dating for a month now, and it is very difficult to wrap my mind around that. I don't want this to become a rant-blog (I'm almost 22--far too mature to do that...riiiiight), but as that is a part of where I am in life right now, I fear I shall not be able to keep myself from EVER ranting.

What else do you need to know about me? My family consists of my parents, who are still together after almost 24 years, my married sister, her husband, my newborn niece, and a cat. That's the nuclear family, anyway. My dad is my savior in all things mechanical, tax-related, real-life-experience related, and in general any area of conflict I face. One of those conflicts is my mom. I love her so much, and usually like her a lot too, but we are sooooo similar, which causes a lot of tension. She has gotten on me about my weight since I was 13, she always pushed me to get straight A's so I could get into law school (a dream which used to be mine, and now is about 30-70, my dream-her dream). This quote from My Sister's Keeper really sums up how I feel about her:

What I want, more than anything, is to turn back time a little. To become the kid I used to be, who believed everything my mother said was one hundred percent true and right without looking hard enough to see the hairline cracks.

Actually, pretty much that whole book describes how I feel about my mom. It's really complicated, and I can't delve into it in just one post, so we'll leave it where it is for now.

What else? Pretty much, I'm just in a limbo right now; not with anyone, not looking for anyone here at my school but really wanting to be with SOMEONE, so I'm biting my nails looking to that May graduation date. Even though I have no idea what I'm doing after that fateful Saturday. No prospects, no jobs, no law school acceptance letters, no wedding.

Scary? Hell yes. (There's no way "heck" would have cut it on that one.)

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