No news...is it really good news?

Yep, as you might have guessed, still no word on the musical cast. Well, SOME word...we know some people that are in the cast, but no word on Christi and me yet. Speaking of which, I have no idea where that child is. Everytime one of us comes into the room and the other one's already there, it's really awkward until the one in the room says, "Nope, still no news." Then there's a sigh of relief and frustration. Haha...yes, it's a weird situation.

So, the second weekend of Christi's show starts tomorrow. Which reminds me, I really need to get tickets for my family. However, since the school was unbelievably uncool and scheduled a dance for tomorrow night, I'm thinking tickets might not be an issue. Still, I should get them.

In other news, I have thus far lost 8 pounds in my quest to get skinny by graduation. I'm pretty excited about it, though I still have around 20 pounds until my goal weight. 30 really, but I'm being realistic and not really expecting to weigh 140. (If you do some math, you can figure out how much I weigh and weighed...please don't) I really want to look good for when my family gets here tomorrow, so hopefully they will say something without any prompting.

Another thing I wanted to accomplish by the time my family arrived has definitely not happened. Our Pottery class learned to throw on the wheel last night in class, and I really wanted to be able to make a cylinder while they watched. Yeah, that's definitely not happening. I probably won't even show them anything on the wheel. Just the stuff I handbuilt so far. So...yeah...

I am oddly really tired. I realize it's only 10 pm, and I'm a TERRIBLE night owl. It could be getting up at 8, getting 5 hours of restless sleep, taking a nap in the middle of the day, or burning 750 calories at the Rec Center...but for some reason, I'm uber tired. Oh well, the world may never know.

Just like we may never know about the stupid cast. ARGH!

Irony, Musicals, and Cheese

So, my roommate and I tried out for the spring musical at our school. We are doing Radio Gals, which I don't know much about but it's apparently AWESOME. Anyway, the director just sent us both an email saying that he is stewing over us for the SAME PART. P.S. It's the lead role. He said since we are roommates and good friends he figured we would be talking it over and fretting all night, so he's thinking on it still and might call us in to audition again. JUST the two of us. Roommates. Good friends. Irony of ironies. Possibly the most ridiculously sitcomical thing that has EVER happened to me. It's hysterical...but I'm freaking out too. It's OK, because if she gets it I'll be super happy for her because she's really funny and has done a ton of theatre. And if I get it of course I'll be uber-excited for myself. She's really busy, so it would make me sad to see her do a half-hearted job because of all the stuff she's committed to, knowing I could commit more time to it. But she's also fantastic. So whatever. I'm good either way. God's and Mike's hands.
The "Cheese" in the title is just because I was eating cheese and needed three things in the title. Rule of Threes and all that jazz. Update on the cast list sitch later.

Let's get something on this blog, shall we?

So, you're always supposed to tell your audience what your purpose is. The fact that I have no audience is irrelevant, I have decided. But, to ask the question again, why on earth am I writing this blog?

Well, a lot of things pop into my head throughout the day. I do not always have my computer with me, handy as a laptop may be, but hopefully when I have a spare moment (all too often these days) I can sit down and put some of those thoughts here.

It would be helpful to know where I am in my life right now. I am a senior in college, ready to get the he...heck...out of here in May. I was engaged until October, when he decided he didn't want me anymore. I am still processing that, and every day shows me why it was the right decision on his part (not that I am so awful, but that we should not have gotten married), but I still have moments of bitterness, anger, and a lot of non-comprehension. He's been dating for a month now, and it is very difficult to wrap my mind around that. I don't want this to become a rant-blog (I'm almost 22--far too mature to do that...riiiiight), but as that is a part of where I am in life right now, I fear I shall not be able to keep myself from EVER ranting.

What else do you need to know about me? My family consists of my parents, who are still together after almost 24 years, my married sister, her husband, my newborn niece, and a cat. That's the nuclear family, anyway. My dad is my savior in all things mechanical, tax-related, real-life-experience related, and in general any area of conflict I face. One of those conflicts is my mom. I love her so much, and usually like her a lot too, but we are sooooo similar, which causes a lot of tension. She has gotten on me about my weight since I was 13, she always pushed me to get straight A's so I could get into law school (a dream which used to be mine, and now is about 30-70, my dream-her dream). This quote from My Sister's Keeper really sums up how I feel about her:

What I want, more than anything, is to turn back time a little. To become the kid I used to be, who believed everything my mother said was one hundred percent true and right without looking hard enough to see the hairline cracks.

Actually, pretty much that whole book describes how I feel about my mom. It's really complicated, and I can't delve into it in just one post, so we'll leave it where it is for now.

What else? Pretty much, I'm just in a limbo right now; not with anyone, not looking for anyone here at my school but really wanting to be with SOMEONE, so I'm biting my nails looking to that May graduation date. Even though I have no idea what I'm doing after that fateful Saturday. No prospects, no jobs, no law school acceptance letters, no wedding.

Scary? Hell yes. (There's no way "heck" would have cut it on that one.)