Thursday, May 27

Sometimes You Just Gotta Change It Up

So, I have decided this is going to be a funny blog. Why, my multitudinous (note: sarcasm) readership might ask? Because another blogger has inspired me (side note: I’m really impressed that MS Word recognizes the word “blogger”). Now, I realize I’m not that funny. You quickly will too. But l have random observations that people seem to find slightly humorous. Or they’re really polite and laugh anyway. Crap…that’s what I do to my dad. So this is probably going to flop. But oh well. I’ll be entertained for sure.

You know how people on TV or in movies go, “Oh, I’m just too busy for a relationship right now. I’m focusing on my career,” but you know they’re just lying because it’s a chick flick and she really does want a boyfriend because you saw the trailer and you know she falls for this guy who seems like a jerk but has a heart of gold and she’s just saying that because she’s lonely but she’s sick of all the blind dates her friends make her go on? Well, in the REAL world (where I’m unfortunately finding myself), that can actually be a legit excuse. For example, I want someone to hold my hand and watch movies with me and buy me dinner (dear LORD do I ever want someone to buy my poor butt some dinner), but I have ZERO time to give to that hypothetical guy who, if he did all that crap, would totally deserve a lot of my time. I mean, I want a puppy too—for many of the same reasons as a boyfriend, hand-holding included—but it’s unfair to the poor little guy who just wants me to scratch his ears and fill his dish and take him for walks, and I’m out making a pittance and sucking up to crazy people at work to give him all that. Again, all those things I described could also go with a boyfriend. OK, I am no longer sure if I’m talking about a puppy or a man, so it’s time to stop.

UPDATE: I definitely should have had a better transition between my two paragraphs. It totally sounded like I introduced then started a comedy routine, and for the life of me I couldn’t read that second paragraph any other way except like a stand-up routine…too Seinfeld. Gotta work on that. Also, MS Word also knows “Seinfeld.” And yet it freaks out on my name.

Word’s all “WTF? Just add it to my dictionary.”
And I’m like “That’s not the point. …Fine.”

Update #2: While it is fun to use Paint to draw cartoons about how I feel toward computer programs who are not as fixated on my importance as I am, I think I’m just embarrassing myself and I think I’m going to stop. Future testing of theory to follow.

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